Never Stop Fighting

My mom passed away 4 years ago and since then my life has been a mess. I gained 40 pounds, moved out of state (TX to MN), and was in a relationship that sucked every piece of energy out of me for 3 years.
The last 6 months of my moms life became more and more about caring for her and less caring for myself. I remember giving up on trying to lose weight. She said she wanted to see my skinny. After early mornings and late nights on top of working a full-time job I had no energy to care for myself.
After my mom passed I didn’t know what to do. I suddenly had all the time in the world, but couldn’t do anything with it. Six months later I moved to Minnesota. My father and stepmom helped move me here and after they left I started crying. I wondered who was going to tell me what to do lol. I was 31 and never made a decision without someone’s approval. I’m the baby girl. Everyone was protective of me. I was told no a lot growing up while everyone else was told yes. My siblings were stronger than me. Including my younger brother. He told me he felt like he was my older brother. So that is why I moved. To find my strength and to learn to take care of myself.
November 2011 I meet a guy. He’s short (I’m 5’8 and he’s probably 5’7), but good looking and seems nice. Nothing was right about this relationship. Too much happened in the 3 years we were together to write here, but let’s just say I was not taking care of myself. This is when I gained the last 25 of the 40. He has moved back to his home state so we are not together, but I hear from occasionally. I am now free to care for myself.
Self care is hard when you’ve never been taught. I had undiagnosed depression for 24 years. I was diagnosed just before my mom passed. I have no desire to take prescription drugs. I did that and I don’t think it helped at all. It’s a bandaid. My goal is to naturally heal myself of depression, get off blood pressure meds, and to have a healthy body. Not really looking for a number, but a feeling. I want to feel great and be in love with my body and myself.
I have to take time for me now. I’m fighting for my life. You must never stop fighting.


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