bye bye baby

it all ended at 5w3d. might have actually ended during week 4. i had this terrible pain, but i convinced myself that it was normal and just my uterus growing to make room for the baby, but i knew better. i had a miscarriage before. i recognized the pain, but i ignored it. unlike before there was no blood so i thought everything was fine. i noticed the few symptoms i had fade away and on tuesday my baby was officially gone. it was as if it never happened, but i have the test to prove it. several test that said yes i’m pregnant. to the world there was never a yes. i then had to tell the 3 people i told. i never wanted to do that. though the situation wasn’t ideal i wanted my baby. i cried that day before going to work. the rest of the week was a blur. friday was the toughest because that was the day i had a doctors appointment to confirm my pregnancy. i cancelled it on tuesday. now i can change my situation and make it what it should be for when i am ready to try again. now really wasn’t a good time, but i wanted my baby.

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