So…

i’m pregnant. it’s very early (only 3 weeks, 2 days), but the home pregnancy test came back positive. i was unofficially trying. i love kids and all i’ve ever wanted was to have kids. i’m not married, but i’ve been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. he has children from a previous relationship and this is my first.

i’m scared. my mom passed away 3 years ago and though i have 3 sisters, aunts, and a wonderful stepmother i feel as if i have no one to talk to. i’m afraid to tell anyone. the baby’s father knows, but that is it. my family doesn’t exactly like the father so i don’t think anyone will be happy. i’m happy, but i feel like i can’t let myself really be happy. i feel like i am walking on egg shells. the father has wanted to have a baby with me for over a year. now that it has happened he says he doesn’t want it. that it’s bad timing. one minute he is happy because he might finally get a son and the next he’s stressed. i want to get prenatel vitamins and books, but i feel i have to hide it from him to keep his stress down. what he really needs is a dose of reality that this is what it is until the doctor says otherwise. he himself thought i was pregnant before i took the test. i just want this to be a wonderful time and i’m trying to think of my baby and myself. i will schedule a doctor appointment soon to confirm and get this party started.

i never intended this blog to become about pregnancy and babies, but i couldn’t sit down and write how i was feeling so here i am blogging about it.

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