or maybe the question should be is there a “self help” book when in an unmarried relationship. i will have to research that, but what brought me to this thought is that i am reading the four seasons of marriage by gary chapman for my soc – marriage and families class. by the way i love this book so far, but it made me think. do those in an unmarried but long term relationship need a guide book? i’ve read books about being single and how to find a great guy, but not so much about making it a great relationship until he pops the question. i think the key to any relationship is communication. that is what i’ve seen so far while reading this book. lack of talking can harm any relationship, but if we learn to open up a little, life can be a little easier or at the very least we see the truth. i’ve observed that we stay in relationships because we aren’t willing to discuss what we don’t like. then sometimes we end up married (or living with this person) and we realize how wrong we are for each other. these things can be avoided if we are honest with ourselves and the other person about how we feel. if you don’t like something, say something. it’s not about being rude, but being honest. they can either take it is constructive critism or get mad. or maybe you are wrong, but talking about it is better than holding it in.
i struggle with this myself. i’m a life long people pleaser. i don’t share my opinion if i don’t like something and i’ve become a doormat at times. it is hard to break such a cycle, but with practice it can change. you have to consider yourself sometimes or people will run all over you. if the relationship isn’t what you really, want say so. it is ok to be single. you’ll open the door to the right person coming along.